Confessions of a glass collector.

So to those readers who know me personally, you will know I rather luckily stumbled upon a summer job, glass collecting at a local bar. After the trouble I'd had last summer trying to find a job, it was out of sheer luck that I was on the phone to my friend when she was asked if she knew anyone who could fill in last minute, and a couple of weeks later, the job was mine!

However, behind the apparent glitz and glamour that was a new job, money, and getting to know a new set of friends, it was not long before the job became a dull drag which killed my summer social life and left me stressed, tired, and with a totally reversed sleeping pattern (okay, granted, the nocturnal sleeping pattern is fairly normal for me.. but it didn't help!). And so, having left my job just over two weeks ago in preparation for my  move back to sunny Bangor and my final year of university on Saturday, I thought I'd share a few of my observations on the goings on I'd witness nearly every weekend.

Now you get a good variety of people going into bars and clubs, and this becomes especially apparent when you're working in one, sober, every weekend. There is always a group of girls who stumble in especially early, fake tanned, bleached hair, dresses barely covering.. anything, really; arses out, tits out, a nice little show of next week's washing. They get in their first round of Jäger bombs and immediately run to the dancefloor, screaming above the music (which, at 9:30, is never loud), really making fools of themselves. You can only admire their ability to have a good time when they're the only ones in the bar! Not long after they move on to another bar but almost always return a little later, barely standing, and are, more often than not, the last ones to leave as they chat up the doormen at the end of the night.

You also see what I can only describe as scrounger. The same girl, coming in every night, making her way around whatever men she can find in an effort to get free drinks. She hangs around the end of the bar for a good amount of time, watching for men like a hawk, and she's not fussy! Old, young, or in my case, gay, it doesn't matter. The oddest thing is she never actually twigged I'm gay, apparently I must give away straight vibes at work! She'd claim every night that I still "owe" her a free shot, to which I'd inevitably reply "for what?" and the cycle would go on and on. A few drinks later she'd often become a lot more physical with me, so much so it became a running joke behind the bar that I'd flirt with her as much as possible to take the piss. She still thinks to this day that I'm straight!

And expanding on the "straight vibes" thing, it was quite ridiculous how many women would come onto me on a nightly basis. This could be anyone from the aforementioned girl, to middle-aged women, to hen parties.. anyone! They wanted pictures, they wanted hugs, they would stack my glass trays for me. The funniest (and most uncomfortable) female encounter happened one night when a slightly rotund (okay, fat) girl reversed into me and my glass tray. Seeing I was less than impressed she apologised again and again until commenting on how "gorgeous" I am. Next thing I know she lent in, grabbed my head and tried to kiss me. I reacted by turning my head to the side and saying "I'm gay" while she effectively chewed on the side of my face. She stopped and said "well would you if you weren't?", still holding onto me. The only way I could escape was by saying yes at which point I ran a mile! Cringe!

Girls are also FAR more digusting than guys when it comes to toilets. I had to go into the women's toilets on my last shift and restock the toilet roll, and nothing, I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for what I was about to see... Broken toilet seats, vomit up the walls, toilet paper mixed what I assume (and hope) was water all over the floor, several girls using each cubicle, a few on the floor heads over the toilet, it was madness. A trip into the mens just after to wash my hands after being in what I can only describe as germ hell could not have been more different. I didn't realise girls were so disgusting, you usually expect it to be the men who have the horrible toilets!

Regardless of this, I did have fun working there. We often got very drunk at work (never more so than on my last shift), and the people I worked with were a lot of fun. One girl made the most insanely strong cocktails which would have you wasted after one, amazing. So despite the often strange and cringey experiences I'd have every night, these people for the most part kept me sane, and I'll miss working with them!

However, a last note to self: if anyone ever offers you a job glass collecting in the future, tell them politely to fuck off.

My thoughts on the London riots.

By now we've all heard of and seen images of the absolutely terrible riots occuring in London at present. Starting in Tottenham, the rioting has now spread to Hackney, Brixton, Enfield, Lewisham and Peckham, amongst others, and doesn't seem set to stop any time soon. Watching the news headlines and shocking images fly in by the minute, I am absolutely disgusted by the behaviour of the people involved.

You've got to wonder what they think they're achieving. They seem to be battling the police, and yet they're destroying shops, pubs, cars, bus stops. People's livelihoods are being shattered by mindless violence, and for what? It's always that minority of idiots who ruin it for everyone else. It baffles me and has left me shocked and totally saddened as I'm sure it has countless others. I can't even begin to imagine how the residents of London, those with sense and peace who are staying as far away from this idiocy as possible, are feeling right now. We can only hope the police regain control soon and the criminals who are causing so much destruction for no real reason are locked away where they belong.

A lot of people I love and care about live, study and work in London and I hope that for them, and everybody else, peace is restored soon. My thoughts are with you all, please stay safe.

Next topic: Confessions of a glass collector. Check back soon.

Things that have pissed me off/upset me this week.

Now I don't talk about celebrity gossip too often. I think there are blogs out there which are better equipped to do so and do it far better, but this week one or two things have pissed me off a bit too much to not mention. Not to step too far out of character however there are a few things in the general news that I feel need mentioning!

First of all, Kelly Osbourne hit the news last week for calling Christina Aguilera a "fat bitch". The Osbourne/Aguilera feud has been going on for years now, and insults have been flung about the celeb world ever since the reality star slammed the powerhouse diva's Christmas album. Kelly said of Christina's look on E! Fashion Police ("stuffed", in the words of cohost/concrete-faced Joan Rivers), "Maybe she's just becoming the fat bitch she was always born to be. I don't know. She was a cunt to me." She continued,
"She called me fat for so many fucking years, so you know what? Fuck you, you're fat too."

Now I won't pick sides. I love Christina Aguilera, she's one of my idols. I also think Kelly Osbourne is fantastic. But surely this just needs dropping now? Sure, it was mildly entertaining back in the early 2000s, as was any MTV fued. But surely, since Kelly complains about being called fat and having her image attacked so much over the years, she would have a little more tact than to sink to that same level and to attack Christina's? Sure, she's put on a bit of weight in the last year or so, but she is by no means fat. What sort of image are you portraying to young girls who now think Christina Aguilera (who is still tiny really!) is fat? The whole thing is pathetic and juvenile. Grow up and bury the hatchet is what I say!

The next bit of celeb news I couldn't fail to mention is Cher Lloyd's spectacular rise to the number 1 spot with her ear-bleedingly bad song "Swagger Jagger". What the hell? Is this really what British music has been reduced to?! The song was widely panned when first heard, but within a couple of weeks has somehow risen to the top of the charts. I don't get it, really, words just fail me. I dread the day I hear that piece of autotuned, self-indulgent crap in a club. "You can't stop looking at me"...? Yes, because you won't get the fuck out of our faces and crawl back under your rock Cher! Be gone child!

That's pretty much all I have to say on celeb news this week. I'll leave the rest to the professionals!

Next topic: My thoughts on the London riots. Check back soon.

Kid issue

Last week, I was sat in the waiting room at the doctor's surgery, and sat opposite me was a woman holding her baby. The baby was only a few months old but at the point where she was very vocal, and very aware of her surroundings. As babies do, she kept staring at me. I'm never quite sure whether to look back, but as soon as I did, she started smiling at me, and every time I looked back, she smiled at me and giggled.

A few days later, I was round at my auntie's for a few drinks, and her new "man" (not sure you can call a 50 year old a "boyfriend") was there with his daughter, and her 16 month old son. When he eventually woke up from his nap, he was bounding around everywhere. Still unsteady on his feet, it was probably the cutest thing ever. His speech is quite advanced for his age, and he points at things and says what it is, but his favourite word is "duck" and when he was playing around his paddling pool, he kept pointing at his rubber ducks and shouting DUCK at the top of his voice. Having played a few games of hide and seek with my mum he turned his attention to me and decided he wanted to show me his ducks! So cute!

These two experiences in particular (and a couple of others out and about) have left me feeling oddly broody, and the subject of children has been on my mind quite a lot. But as a gay man, many would assume that children just isn't an option. The aforementioned auntie had said at one point to my mum "the only disappointment lies in that there won't be any grandchildren". Her assumption reflects that of many people (especially of older generations), and I pulled her up on it. Why would there be no children? Why, just because I'm gay, does that mean I don't want to be a father?

Truth be told, being a dad is a route I've always wanted my life to go down, one day. Until not long ago I envisaged this with the "traditional" wife and kids scenario, before I finally considered myself gay. However, my opinions on this were changed. Just because I'm gay, it doesn't at all mean I can't one day fulfil this dream, and if you're in a loving, long-term relationship and you see this lasting, children become a real option. Adoption and surrogacy are really the only ways to do this. But with homosexuality still, in some circles, seen as "taboo", there's a view, amongst both straight and gay people, that these are harder to achieve than for straight couples who perhaps, for whatever reason, can't have children of their own.

Whether this is true or not is debatable. Last week, Ian "H" Watkins (West End star and former Steps singer) and his long-term partner announced they were having a child by means of a surrogate. When talking about the process on ITV's This Morning, they said they had absolutely no more trouble than a straight couple would going through the same process, and that the stereotypes that exist around this are very much untrue.

I think this is absolutely fantastic news, and congratulations to them. Another famous gay couple, Elton John and David Furnish, went down the same route and Christmas last year welcomed their son Zachary into the family. More and more same-sex couples are having children, by adoption and surrogacy, helping to dampen the taboo surrounding the concept. With this controversy comes major considerations for the couple wishing to have the children. What are the social implications for both the child and parents for having this "unconventional" family? Will the child get bullied at school? How will people react? Personally, I think it would seem public opinion is softening to this considerably. For example, the characters Christian and Syed in Eastenders are among the soap's most popular characters, and their recent adoption storyline (though how it pans out is yet to be seen, with Syed's second thoughts) was very well-received.

I've really only considered having children of my own in a gay relationship in the last 9 months or so. Ideally, the way I'd want to do it is to go down the gestational surrogacy route, as have Ian Watkins and his partner. This is done using an egg donor, IVF to fertilise the egg with one of the couple's sperm, and a separate surrogate. If my life partner has a sister, in an ideal world her, or my own sister, would donate an egg. In the event that his sister would provide the egg, that would be fertilised by my sperm, and if it were my sister's egg, that would be fertilised using his sperm. This way, our children would have no genetic tie to the surrogate, and would be as genetically close to both of us as possible. I'd always be open to adoption of course, but the idea of having a baby that is truly ours is a very happy and comforting thought.

Of course this is alllll hypothetical. Who knows what the future will bring, but this is an ideal situation for me. I just hope that by the time I'm in a position to have children, social acceptance is much higher and me and my partner run into as few issues with the system and social stereotypes as possible.


(Seriously my blog is so random. I'm not sure I know of anyone else who can go from celebrity gossip, to alcoholism, to gay couples having children in one blog! Make sure you subscribe and check back for updates on my wonderfully weird and random thoughts!)

Amy Winehouse

Well I hardly have to fill my few readers in on the news that Amy Winehouse was tragically found dead in her Camden flat last Saturday. You may wonder why it's taken me a while to write on this, especially considering my previous post about her alcohol and substance addiction. Truth is I've just not had the time!

Now some may feel my comments in said post were a little harsh, but I by no means take them back. Amy Winehouse was an amazing talent, and her contribution to music will live on for years to come. But unfortunately, as is the case with the majority of addicts and alcoholics who live in the public eye, and upon whom the illness has taken an unstoppable hold, her huge talent was overshadowed by the spectacle of a young woman slowly destroying herself for all to see. George Best springs to mind. Unfortunately her behaviour, for me, represented everything I saw my dad go through six years ago when his alcoholism finally got the better of him, and, three instances of liver failure later, killed him.

Now realistically, I don't think anyone can call this "unexpected". It was certainly surprising, and we hoped this day would never come, but having watched her spiral out of control last month leading up to her disastrous performance in Serbia (in a period when she was supposedly getting back on track), I'm afraid to say I think this was only a matter of time. It's just an absolute tragedy that such a talent, a star who shone so brightly as she burst onto the music scene all those years ago with her sassy personality, powerhouse vocals and unique style, died so young.

Now I won't jump onto the bandwagon, as tends to happen when a star dies. Look at the death of Michael Jackson, for example. How many of those "fans" who contributed to the huge (and deserved) public outpour of grief, were, a couple of years before, branding him a pervert and paedophile, amongst other things. Some had all but forgotten the amazing music he had produced in his life but were so quick to jump to his defense when he died. Unfortunately, this fakery is seen all too often when a celebrity dies, and it just goes to show how fickle the media (and the public who are absorbed by it) are.

I think it's so sad that such a brilliant talent has gone to waste. Unfortunately, as is the case with many of those who suffer the mental illness that is addiction, her demons had too strong a hold on her. If anything good can come out of this, I hope it highlights the huge issue that is addiction and encourages more addicts and alcoholics to fight it, just as Russel Brand did, and get their lives back on track.

Rest in peace Amy, your contribution to British music will never be forgotten.


(I had hoped to write two posts today, but the next shall wait until tomorrow since I've slightly ran out of time. So you've got a post on gay couples having children to look forward to! Check back for updates x)

So I just won £160 million....

....Is what some lucky fucker is waking up to this morning. Yep, someone in the UK has won the full EuroMillions jackpot of over £160 million. It's not yet known whether it is an individual or a syndicate, or even where they're from, but it breaks the record of the biggest win this country has ever seen. If it is an individual, they'll shoot up to 430th on the Sunday Times rich list for this year.

Now obviously I'm somewhat jealous (and it has me thinking, WHY don't I play this thing?!). But it also has me thinking, if I were to win £161 million, what the hell would I do with it? I'd obviously have to find somewhere to put it.. can a normal bank account even hold this much money?!

First of all, I'd learn to drive, and be able to buy/insure a decent first car. I wouldn't go mad with it and buy a sports car or something ridiculous, I'd keep it fairly humble with a Mini Cooper S or something like that, nice to drive, fairly practical (I guess). I probably wouldn't buy another car for quite a few years.

I'd then immediate pay off my student loan.. and look forward to a life without debt (woopa!). I'd buy a flat down in London so I wouldn't have to rent when I move next year. Probably not a house, simply because I have an image of my first HOUSE will be with a partner, I'd get lonely in one alone. The flat again wouldn't be some state of the art multi-million pound apartment, it'd be fairly normal. Why would I need something like that right now? The lifestyle doesn't appeal to me at this age. I imagine it to be fairly shallow and again, lonely. I wouldn't need any more of that right now! I'd also pay for private healthcare. I'd have cosmetic surgery, though nothing image-changing, no liposuction, implants or whatever. There's probably literally only one person who knows what I'd have done from a self-conscious point of view but even then I'm not sure they wouldn't be surprised!

I would then spend as much as I'd need to getting the best musical training money can buy in London. Though I could afford to start a postgrad in opera at the Royal Academy straight away, my plan wouldn't change simply because I'm not good enough to start straight away. I'd still spend the time training and probably at a job all the while because why would I stop just because I have money? Money runs out eventually!

Then the selfless side of it. I'd pay for my mum's house to be totally done up and finished, finally. I'd probably pay my sister through university if she still wanted to be a paramedic. A good couple of million would go to charities, probably a couple of the leading cancer charities and poverty charities, ones which are fairly close to my heart. I'd then probably pay for the people closest to me and who mean the most to me to go on holiday to wherever they want because they'd probably deserve a break. You know who you are.

I'd eventually want to live in a nice big house (but no bigger than I needed), with a very big garden, big rooms (one of which would have a gorgeous grand piano and not much else!), my own recording studio, all sorts of cool stuff like that. But that's the dream part of it! I still wouldn't do that until I was settled in my life.

And, immediately, that's realistically about it. I wouldn't splash out on ridiculous stuff I don't need simply because I'm not that sort of person and know the value of money. Eventually of course there'd be new cars, new houses, general living. But what, the above would amount to around £3/4 million, maximum? I'd be comfortable for life but never would I stop working! I'd be able to provide security for my children and family and myself and I'd make sure I'd save as much as possible. I'd never spend for the sake of spending, however fun it looks.

But then I also got wondering about the complications of having so much money. I'd remain an anonymous winner, and probably wouldn't tell many people I know for the simple reason of I don't want people sponging off me. It'd be funny to see how many people would suddenly be your "best friend" simply because you have money.

Then what about when I do buy that first or even "forever" house with a partner? We could afford to live somewhere really quite nice, but I couldn't expect them to pay an even half in if we're buying a, say, £600,000 house or more because if they don't earn that, how can they? But then it'd be mostly my house, so how does that work? The same applies for my wedding. Would I have to pay for the whole thing simply because I can? Perhaps this is to a lesser degree since it's far less expensive than a house. But would I have to be the main provider just because I'd won so much money, even though I'd still be working a normal salary job as I would be even if I hadn't won? I don't believe in spoiling people so that wouldn't happen, but would there be an expectation for that?

This is why I wouldn't tell many people. I'd want my partner to love me for me and not my money, I'd want my friends to be my friends for me and not my money, and I wouldn't want to be a target for fraud or burglary. I mean, with any luck I'd still have the friends and people who love me I have now and I think a couple of them really will stick by me forever. But can you imagine the huge complications having so much money would bring? I'm not sure how much easier life would get because of the problems having so much money brings. I want to be well-off, but £160 million well-off? Who knows..

Of course this is all ridiculous and hypothetical and I'll likely never be in that position. But I don't suppose that bothers me so much though I'd like the security. As long as I don't die alone and poor I'll be happy!

Oh and one last thing, congratulations to all the Bangor University students graduating this week. Well done all you thoroughly deserve it! :D

The cheap death of a priceless art form.

Anyone who knows me (and anyone who read my first post on here back in March) will know I absolutely love opera. To me it is beautiful, exciting and inspiring (everything that a work of art should be). Over centuries, composers have continued to produce absolute masterpieces which have lived on and on and will continue to for centuries to come. This is why it makes me so sad (and angry) to see it cheapened by the likes of a TV talent show, Popstar to Operastar.

For those of you who haven't heard of or seen the show, the basic premise is that a bunch of popstars (down on their luck with failed careers as is often the case with celebrity talent shows) are set challenges week by week to learn and perform operatic arias. Note how I won't say "learn and perform opera", because that's exactly what they're not doing.

Within weeks, these singers are expected to sing some of the hardest arias in opera. Lighter (and often more beginner-friendly) composers such as Mozart are sometimes used, perhaps fairly appropriately for such inexperienced singers. But more often, powerhouse composers such as Puccini and Verdi have their works ripped to shreds. They're sung badly, performed badly and chopped down to a couple of minutes to fit in with the schedule of the show. Arias of 6 or 7 minutes, chopped down to 2. Tragic.

What irritates me the most about this (and this is where you see my truly opinionated side) is that, as with all TV talent shows, the producers try to "quick fix" a process which actually takes years to perfect. People like me work solidly, study for a decade or more, to even be considered good enough to sing some of the arias  performed on Popstar to Operastar. And yet, these celebrities practise for a week at a time on one piece, cheered at every "high" note (however badly sung) by an audience who lap it up. I mean really, Andy Bell singing the pinnacle of baritone arias, "Largo al factotum?" Cheryl Baker singing the notoriously difficult "Je veux vivre"? Oh please! And the worst part is, this is widely considered opera because of this show. Viewers commenting on videos on Youtube saying "I could really see *insert celebrity here* performing in opera" when in fact, they'll never be good enough. Throughout this process, a priceless art form is progressively cheapened.

There are those who will argue that this format of programme is making opera "accessible", and a few will even try to claim it boosts ticket sales in opera houses across the country. The truth is, this is not the case, at all. Opera has always been accessible, just people have stereotyped it as a "toff's" art. And as for boosting ticket sales, quite the opposite. People watch and think they're experiencing real opera (because the likes of Katherine Jenkins say that's what it is.. more on her later), and therefore don't bother to buy a ticket to a real opera, where they sing over a full orchestra with no microphone, a true skill. Why would they need to, when they can watch "opera" every sunday evening from the comfort of their own homes?

People really do have a warped perception when it comes to classical music, and not just at the hands of Popstar to Operastar. Just look at Katherine Jenkins, for example. People (wrongly) see her as a real "opera singer" (a phrase I dislike since it covers just one aspect of opera). She's not. She's a classical crossover single, i.e. one who sings classical music and releases it within the popular genre. She's in fact never set foot on the operatic stage, and isn't good enough to do so. Unfortunately, a pretty face and cavernous cleavage aren't enough to cover up the swallowed tone, bad diction and mucky sound that someone who knows what they're talking about will see. Truth is, without her microphone her voice would be lost on the operatic stage. Another is Paul Potts, once billed as the "new Pavarotti" because he shakily sang "Nessun Dorma" from Puccini's Turandot on Britain's Got Talent. Now I don't mind Paul Potts, at the end of the day he has spent a lot of time (and money) training his voice, and he's not half bad. But he's not an opera singer, and never will be. He's a realtity TV star who will probably never know real opera.

The real building blocks of opera are lost on shows like these. The direction, the production, the months of stress and hard work that goes into it, the staging, costumes, the set, and the acting, the movement, and singing all together, the miriad of skills which make a truly talented operatic performer. Opera is no longer about a fat lady standing on a stage singing, it encompasses all art forms in one, and this is what I love most about opera. Art, dance, national culture, history, myth, literature and music, coming together in one giant art form. This is why the likes of Joe McElderry are not singing opera, however it's dressed up. Without the context of a whole opera and the production behind it, these shows are achieving nothing, and the singers are learning no real skill. The result is the quick-fixing and cheapening of an art form. The saddest part is that people actually buy into this crap.

Call me opinionated and stuck up, but that's just how it is. I just think it's a huge shame to see the word "opera" cheapened on a weekly basis by people who have no real idea what goes into an actual opera. Get off your arses and go and see a REAL opera, and tell me I'm wrong.

No, no, no..

Oh dear, poor poor Amy Winehouse. All gone wrong again hasn't it? Last week, she kicked off her European tour in Serbia.. and in typical style, took to the stage pickled in more spirits than a dead animal in a museum jar. Except this time, her fans were far less forgiving, booing her off stage as she slurred out her words.. at least, I think they were words. Kinda sounded like an incontinent hobo farting after eating curry and chips dropped by a drunk student on their way home from a night out (not that I know what the sounds like.. I can just imagine). And so she cancelled her tour, and is now said to be taking a few more years away from singing to work on herself. Latest reports also suggest she rushed through her 7-day stint in rehab last month to speed things up with her tour. Clearly a bad move.

Seems things aren't too peachy for her ex-hubby Blake Fielder-Civil either, who has just been sentenced to three years behind bars, having been arrested for burglary in February. There's not much else to say on this really is there.. I guess we kind of expect it.

What I really don't get is why these type of young people, with bags or either talent or money, continually throw everything away. Amy Winehouse was, not so many years ago, the single most exciting thing on the British music scene, she had everything; a hit album, an amazing voice, and a reputation as a fantastic performer. But her reputation as a drunk and drug-addict soon took over, and her music was all but forgotten about as her life spiralled out of control on the front pages of every tabloid and gossip magazine.

As for Blake, we can't say much for his talents, other than managing to get through lines of cocaine quicker than a teenage Drew Barrymore. But he was once a spoilt little privileged rich kid, with a well-off family, who soon went off the rails, arguably throwing the once-bright star Winehouse into further turmoil than she'd ever have experienced.

I don't get it, I really don't. These people have everything handed to them on a plate and choose to throw it away. The thing that annoys me most about Amy Winehouse kind of goes hand in hand with my previous post. She could have everything, but she continues to let herself spiral further and further out of control instead of facing her demons and sorting herself out.

Now I'm not usually her biggest fan, but a prime example of somebody who picked herself up following a breakdown and substance/alcohol abuse and worked it out for herself is Britney Spears. Everybody remembers how out of control she got, but she picked herself up, for her children, for her career, and forced herself to get through it. And look at her now! An awesome album, a career back on form, and back at the top of her (autotuned) game. Go Britney!

Not really much else to say today. I just think it's sad that young, talented people who could and should have it all throw it all away for a quick fix. Thank god we've still got Adele, eh?

Anyway, 'til next time :D x

So Ryan Dunn was drunk.

It's emerged that Ryan Dunn, who died tragically this week in a car accident, was drunk at the wheel. The Jackass star crashed his Porsche in a one-car accident earlier this week, killing himself and his passenger. The police have since reported that his car may have been travelling at as much as 140 mph as it crashed, and his autopsy revealed a blood-alcohol level twice that of the legal limit.

Tragic as this accident is, it highlights something quite close to my heart; alcohol abuse. Now I enjoy a drink as much as the next person, and to be honest I do hit it pretty hard when I go out. But alcohol abuse is, quite obviously, a huge problem. And however horrible this accident is, I can only hope it further highlights the issue, and considering how drunk he was, I can hardly say I'm surprised at what happened. I just think it's a shame that his reckless behaviour cost the lives of him and his friend. Ultimately, his bahaviour was immature, selfish, and just plain stupid.

Of course, highly-preventable accidents and deaths like this are only one end of the spectrum. The other end is that of alcoholics, who (at least in the eyes of the general public and those not particularly educated on the topic) selfishly drink themselves into an early grave, sapping the health system for all its worth and having things handed to them regardless of the damage they continue to do to themselves.

One of the main stigmas attached to alcoholics and their relationship with the NHS claims the service puts them at top priority above other patients. As the son of an alcoholic father whose lives failed three times before he died at age 41, I can safely say this is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Now I'm not sticking up for alcoholics, and I don't think for a second they deserve treatment above patients suffering the likes of cancer and liver disorders, quite the opposite, in fact. In my opinion they should get very little physical treatment (other than emergency) unless the alcoholic has the strength to stand up to what is an addiction and mental disorder and do something about it because, at the end of the day, slip ups are far too common and easy, and the new liver and treatment will simply be abused.

I personally think the stigma attached to alcoholism is totally unfair and undeserved, and, as with any stigmas, reinforced by people who really have no idea on the issue. Having seen first hand the devastating effect it has, not only on the family and friends of the alcoholic, but on the alcoholic themself, you see somebody with absolutely no control over what can only be described as a mental disorder. It works the same way as smoking, it's an addiction and a dependence, and dependent personalities are very often inherited. You just have to look at my brother and his dependency on marijuana to see how these sort of personalities are often in fact an inherited disorder. They're very rarely, if ever, a choice, and people should stop viewing them as such.

When my own father was in hospital (on many occasions) having drank his body into destruction, what I remember is very different from the "mollycoddled" care described above. The nurses treated him like a teenager who had drank too much on a night out, as a drain on their resources and a total inconvenience. For a five year old to walk through a ward and be perfectly aware of the nurses whispering to each other and giving disapproving looks regarding the young family affected by this is awful, and totally upsetting. We were dealing with it in our own way, we didn't need their sympathy and/or disapproval.

So I guess the point of this is to try and lift some of the stigmas attached to alcoholics, and to show it goes a lot deeper than people who binge drink. It's a mental illness. Whilst I don't think surgery and physical treatment are an effective, or even fair way or treating alcoholics, I do believe more emphasis should be put into the mental treatment. The dependency disorder needs to be addressed, otherwise physical treatment is a waste of time, money, and resources. The fact of the matter remains that alcoholics receive far more public "shame" and disapproval over something they can't control, than a young man who makes the choice to drink and drive and ends up killing himself and another person. No, that becomes an absolute tragedy.

Anyway, fairly deep topic tonight. If you can find a better way to deal with insomnia I'd love to hear it..

Another day, another Cheryl Cole sob-story...

I'm not gonna lie, I kinda feel sorry for Cheryl Cole right now. It's really not her year all over again is it? In fact, the last two years haven't gone swimmingly. Malaria, not winning the X Factor for the first time since she joined, being messed around over the whole US X Factor for months before being spectacularly dumped... and now going back to the one thing that started this train of bad luck just over a year ago, love rat ex Ashley Cole.

You must ask if she's completely fucking stupid. I mean, once a cheat, always a cheat, right? And of course rumours were flying about over similar things for ages before the whole Brooke Healy scandal surfaced. So to go back to that absolute tit is probably not the best idea for the once-"nation's sweetheart". And now it seems best friend/once-rumoured love interest Will.i.am and her own mother are shunning her over her apparent reconciliation. So poor old Chezza really isn't doing too well is she?

Oddly enough I almost see where she's coming from. Her career seemed set to go to the next level and suddenly it's been taken away, so she turns to the person who was there for her when it all went tits-up in the past. And we all know how hard it is to stay away from the person you love, however much they hurt you. But could I forgive someone for cheating? I'm not so sure.

Ah well. Of course the majority of this is speculation. But surely not much else could go wrong for our Cheryl, could it? I love Cheryl, I really do, but this is getting a little bit boring even for me!

In other news, poor old (foolish) heartbroken Hugh Hefner has apparently allowed Crystal Harris to keep the $90k engagement ring and a Bentley he gave her. Crystal called off the wedding last week, only three days before she was set to walk down the aisle to the Playboy mogul, citing her reasons as not wanting the lifestyle. Having originally taken their dog Charlie, she eventually returned him, saying he was happier with Hugh.

Now I'm sorry but.. what the actual fuck?! Are people actually surprised?! This bitch was in it for the money all along, it was obvious. Look at filmed interviews between them. Is that the face of a woman in love? I don't think so, and I don't think it's just the botox maintaining that fixed apathetic expression. I do feel sorry for Hefner, but mainly because he's naive enough to believe this woman wanted him for anything more than his money. I'm just happy she only walked away with a $90k ring and a car, rather than staying with him until he died and inheriting his estate. Some form of compassion must have eventually kicked in.

Oh, and just to close, I do wish Alexandra Burke would stop referring to her fans as "Beasties" on Twitter. She's not Lady Gaga, and they're not her monsters. At least Gaga calling her fans "monsters" makes sense, with The Fame Monster album and everything. Alexandra Burke is just trying too hard.

On the subject of dreams..

What is with them?


I had a series of ridiculously weird dreams last night. I went to bed pretty late, and woke up pretty late because of it. I was cold in bed, I was hungry before I'd woken up, and my dreams were just bizarre.


I can't remember all of them, but one included badly playing the flute. The flute was bending all over the place, I could get a sound out but had no idea what keys to press, and it ended up breaking (kinda bending in half and a string in the middle falling out - flutes don't have strings!), and I think either after that the same happened with a saxophone. The sax possibly even morphed into the flute.


I then seem to remember having a dream where I was in a garden of a stately home. There was something to do with cars here and lots of people turned up through the back gate. Then somehow I had a dream I was on my way out to a club, I remember getting changed somewhere and then getting to the club which may have been through a leisure centre.. and there was hardly anyone there.


Seriously wtf? I don't see how this reflects any of my daily thoughts, they just seem too random! My dreams always tend to be weird and feel very real at the time. My imagination must just run absolutely wild while I sleep!


Certainly food for thought anyway.. ohh, food, I'm still hungry!

Perhaps an introduction.

Well, you can read my info if you want. I just feel odd rushing head-first into my first real blog without introducing myself.

My name's Rob, I'm a 20 year old student studying Music at Bangor University. I love to sing, and the more you get to know me the more you'll realise I actually think of little else.

So many people are like "I love singing so much blah blah blah", you see those wannabes on the likes of X Factor and Britain's Got Talent singing their shoulda-woulda-couldas as if they're the next Mariah Carey. I'm not that sort of person. I try to stay grounded, I know my own limits as much as I know my own strengths. I'm perhaps hyper-critical of myself but I need to be to improve. Yes, I do love singing, the feeling I get when I'm on a stage is indescribable, the adrenaline and the atmosphere is amazing. But at the end of the day, if people don't love you singing, there's not much point. I guess that's what I'm trying to work out as a student; whether I'm actually good enough to make some form of career out of this. It's just a very expensive way of making a decision!

I'm so torn in what I want to do. I'd always wanted to be a recording artist (well, since I started to think I was any good), and I loved musical theatre. But then I came to university and a whole new world was opened up to me; opera. Landing a leading role within my first 3 weeks of uni threw me head-first into something I'd  never even considered. For a long time I was quite sure, I want to be an opera singer, I want to do a postgrad at one of the opera schools and get onto that stage. Then, recently, at an open mic night, I got a feeling whilst singing a bit of blues and jazz (a last minute thing) that I'd almost forgotten. I haven't had such a rush from peforming in a long time, I was actually able to let go, sing in a way that felt true to MYSELF. And thus I'm torn.

Opera's hard.. I'd need a firm grasp of at least 3 languages to do well in it. But, if I'm good enough to do well in it, it's so much more secure. In popular music you can be there one day and off the radar the next. In musical theatre you've peaked by 30 and are no longer cast. In opera your peak doesn't come UNTIL your 30s. It's a lot to consider, though I know singing is "my call" if you will, I can't imagine doing anything else.

I guess at 20 I'm at a prime time for deciding which direction I want to go in. A few things are for sure - I want to be performing, I want to be singing. After my degree's over I want to move to London and be in the middle of it, get myself on the scene. After that, who knows. I just hope it's good. Afterall, my mantra is "dream big, or live small". You don't get anywhere without dreams.

I love a huge array of music, and I think a thousand truths can be spoken via music. Classically, composers such as Wagner, Debussy, Verdi, Faure, Duparc, Schumann and Schubert float my boat as it were. When it comes to classical performers I'm biased towards singers. Diana Damrau, Bryn Terfel, Simon Keenlyside etc tend to blow me away somewhat. When it comes to pop, this is where my sexuality just SHINES through. I love Leona Lewis, (old) Whitney Houston, (old) Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, but also acts like Florence and the Machine (who I backed at Radio 1's Big Weekend in Bangor.. woopa!), Dido, Annie Lennox, Adele, Alicia Keys and Blondie. Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra and other big bang singers have a big influence on me (depending on what I sing) and I'm partial to a bit of rock now and then. My tastes are pretty diverse really but I suppose that's needed to be a well-rounded musician.

Anyway, I hope that's given you a good feel for who I am, if you bothered to read it. From now on the ranting will begin, I promise :)